Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
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I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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