just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
