i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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