I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
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I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
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Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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