Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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