I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
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After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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