i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
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I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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