So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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