She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
bring money and cleavage
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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