haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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