No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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