I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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