FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize