After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize