Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
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If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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