Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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