I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
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The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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