that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
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I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
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I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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