I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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