We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
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Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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