i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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