sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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