Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize