I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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