I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
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Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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