nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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