Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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