i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize