He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
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I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
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Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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