How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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