On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize