your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize