I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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