as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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