just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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