No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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