I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
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Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
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How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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