even my farts smell like vagina
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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