in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
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Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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