Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
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I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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