But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
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Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
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There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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