I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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