Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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