genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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