i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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