The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
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When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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