i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
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I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
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I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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