Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize