My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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