Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize